The recent BBC report about the death of 26-year-old civil servant Chloe Moffat makes for incredibly difficult reading.
Chloe took her own life the day after attending what she had expected to be a routine one-to-one meeting at work. Instead, she was confronted with allegations that she had shared confidential information — allegations she denied.
According to the BBC report, Chloe repeatedly asked whether she was going to lose her job and asked to have a friend present. The coroner later found that Treasury procedures had not been followed and that, had they been, Chloe would have known that the likely outcome if the allegations were proven was a written warning rather than dismissal.
The coroner found that the meeting “materially contributed” to her death.
There are extremely important questions here about employer responsibility, safeguarding and how organisations support people through distressing situations.
But, as a parent, and someone who works with young people, the story prompted another question for me:
How do we prepare young people for the moments in life when everything suddenly feels much bigger than it really is? Because those moments will come.
One day, our children won't get the job. They'll be rejected from something they desperately wanted to be part of. A relationship will end. They might not make the team. A friendship group may change. They'll get something wrong. They may be challenged by somebody more powerful than them.
We can't prepare them for every situation, but we can prepare them to cope better – to Live Ready, and that’s why we’ve created the most important course that a young person can ever do and made it available as a Duke of Edinburgh skill. Included in the course is something seriously effective, yet surprisingly simple: Personal Rules.
Make Those Decisions Before the Pressure Arrives
During adolescence, the part of the brain involved in planning, impulse control and weighing consequences is still developing, while emotion, reward and social influence are the ‘go-to’. Understanding that matters.
A disappointing exam result can feel catastrophic. Being left out can feel like everybody is against you. Rejection can feel permanent.
Imagine helping a young person recognise:
“This feels enormous right now, but that doesn't necessarily mean it is enormous.”
Then imagine giving them opportunities to practise making decisions while the stakes are still low. That's what we mean by pressure-testing decisions before the stakes are real.
We explore five areas:
Your Developing Brain
Understand what emotion, reward and pressure can do to judgement.
Risk & Reward
Learn that taking a worthwhile chance can still be the right decision even when the outcome is unsuccessful.
Friends, Belonging & Influence
Recognise when wanting to belong starts changing the choices you make.
Pressure Points
Understand what happens to decision-making when embarrassment, excitement, anger, fear, rejection or urgency enters the equation.
Personal Rules
As mentioned above, the ability to make certain decisions with a clear head so you don't have to invent your boundaries when pressure arrives can be the difference between a good and bad decision - and the consequences can be a bad experience or a catastrophic one and the extent of the damage doesn't necessarily make that bad decision more obvious. Because when time is ticking, things aren't always clear. So setting boundaries that you, yourself cannot argue with is invaluable.
Let’s break down how that last area can be helpful. Those rules will be incredibly simple and might look like this:
I don't make important decisions when I'm angry.
I can be disappointed without deciding I'm defeated.
I value friendship, but I won't trade it for my judgement.
If something feels catastrophic, I give myself time before deciding what it means.
Pressure changes as we grow up. The school friendship becomes the house share. The teacher becomes the manager. The playground becomes the workplace.
Peer pressure becomes office culture, relationship dynamics or the desire to impress somebody with more power than us.
Situations change, but the need for personal agency will always be there.
The DofE Live Ready Award is the Obvious Route
The Duke of Edinburgh's Award already asks young people to develop a skill.
That’s an opportunity to teach a skill that will upgrade a young person for life, not to simply complete another section of an Award. To spend that time developing something they will draw upon at 18, 26, 40 and beyond.
Live Ready is a DofE Skills programme that includes short interactive lessons, scenarios and practical challenges. Young people explore how decisions are made, how influence works, how to recognise pressure and manipulation, and how to establish their own boundaries.
We purposefully don't stop at talking. Students get to develop simple physical skills designed to help them create space and get away if a situation becomes physical. Not because we want young people expecting confrontation. Quite the opposite.
Knowing “I have options. I can do something. I don't have to freeze.” can contribute to a much broader sense of capability — strengthening the confidence to speak, set boundaries and act earlier.
That’s mental agency, verbal agency and physical agency all working together.
And suddenly, the DofE Skills section becomes an opportunity to develop skills for the job interview, the relationship, university, the house share, the workplace, the rejection, the disappointment, the opportunity — and all those moments we can't possibly predict.
Academic achievement will always matter, but educating a young person about adulthood should also include understanding your own brain, recognising influence, evaluating risk, coping with rejection, maintaining boundaries and making decisions when emotion threatens to take over.
We can't give young people a crystal ball, but we can give them more tools because resilience isn't about teaching young people that difficult things shouldn't affect them.
It's about helping them develop the awareness, perspective, confidence and personal agency to recognise that:
A difficult moment is a moment — it’s not the whole story.
If you're a parent of a young person choosing their DofE Bronze Skill — or you work with young people and, like me, believe preparation for adulthood needs to go further than academic results — I'd really value your thoughts.
Explore Live Ready for DofE Bronze Skills →
